I love writing and I don’t even know how I would start this entry just to share that I already finished writing into my 3rd journal about random thoughts last week. I’ve been into writing since the time I realized that I won’t always have someone who would listen to my random blabberings with full interest. Rarely do we ever find someone who we could share our thoughts and feelings with the security that it won’t be spilled into just anybody out there and who would not make us feel that we are being judged. I found this security in my journals and maybe that’s one of the reasons why I started the fourth notebook today.
My first three journals are already filled with my thoughts plus one special journal about short thoughts and open letters and I’m not yet tired of writing and of sharing things.
My journals were formerly called as “Iskratspeyper ni Jayzel” (both book 1 and 2) while the third one was called as “Iskratspeyper ng teenager na Penguin”.
Iskratspeyper is actually based on the English term scratch paper. I used that as the title of my journals since I don’t want it to be the traditional diary that people have. Yes, its function is to be a diary but not in a normal way. I don’t write my day to day life here but my inner thoughts and opinions about certain matters. I tell stories here but not as what people would expect it to be. I usually hide it between the lines but there were entries where I wrote the things that I literally want to tell. I called these notebooks as scratch paper because these are the compilation of my randomness that might not matter to somebody or might not make sense to others but have a special value in my heart. Whenever I read my past entries, I get to know more the person I was and the person I am today. I can compare who I was to who I am and that’s just one of the gems I have found in writing and in reading.
The black notebook on the photo is dedicated for my one-liners, open letters and random short thoughts. I just adore this notebook because it’s black and you have to use metallic pen just to write in it.
I also have an ordinary small notebook to write my current thoughts whenever I have free time to think or whenever I’m bored with lectures. I literally write current thoughts there like, “ang boring naman” (it’s so boring) or “bakit ang tagal matapos ng oras kung kailan nagmamadali ka?” (Why does times seem so slow when you want it to run fast?) . Random thoughts when your mind is free and that notebook is the one with the spring on the side.
I found out that I write often when I’m sad or when I’m upset with something. So when I backread there’s too much drama and romanticism in it. I also found out that I write when I get dreamy about love and friendship. I also write things that I cannot directly tell to the person I am writing to. And to sum it up, I write just to vent out the things I cannot talk about in the public due to my fear of being rejected and judged.
I’ll keep on writing and blogging until I’ve lost all the strengths and passion I have for it. Aside from these notebooks, I also have 3 tumblr accounts for personal dramas, for covert dramas and for college life stories; I also have one anonymous instagram account as my diary plus one private twitter account which doesn’t have a follower solely dedicated for my personal rants and dramas plus I have this wordpress account. 😂😂
I just find it amusing to look back and the thoughts I have for the past years of my life and how I was growing after all the pain I’ve been through. 🙂