I write a lot of things about where I can account my endurance of not having any romantic relationship when I was still in college. One thing that prevailed the most is the fear. As much as I adore the wonders of love, I’m scared of its twin—pain. I’ve never been into any relationship but I could say that I have already experienced it through books and romantic series that I have watched. Those things, though fiction gave me an overview of different types of love and how it goes. Aside from dipping myself in fiction, I could say that I have also already experienced pain in reality. Pain from my almost future partner if only he waited. Pain from my father who always cheated. Pain from wondering if the person investing time with me is also attracted with me as much as I am to him. Pain from wondering what went wrong that every person I met became just an “almost” partner. But this is not about the love I had but the love that is to come. These are my hopes of what it would look like and though reality won’t fit my fantasy let me have my own world while waiting for the right one and becoming the right one as well.
- I hope the one is a friend who I have known for quite some time. Or if not, someone who would make me feel comfortable when he’s around. Someone who I won’t be afraid to express my real thoughts and views about certain issues
- I hope he’s a Baptist Christian—a real one. Someone who has stood the test of faith many times but remained steadfast in worshipping the Lord amidst the pain. The kind of man that will pray for me and my family. The kind of man that talks to God in sorrow and in happiness. The kind of man that reads the Bible and apply the good things it has taught.
- I hope our age doesn’t have a big gap. 1-5 years is alright.
- I hope he’s height perfectly complement mine.
- I hope he’s as hopeless romantic as I am. Someone who doesn’t bother writing letters, poems and short notes of encouragements, of love and of gratefulness.
- I hope his voice is manly yet soothing. Someone who could sing me songs beautifully while playing his musical instrument.
- I hope he’s sensitive enough to know the needs I’d rarely say. I hope he holds my hand whenever it’s obvious that I feel cold. I hope he’d lend me his coat whenever it feels cold. I hope he keeps me warm not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.
- I hope he’s a real gentlemen. The kind that would offer help when you’re carrying a lot of things and would insist carrying it for you even when you’d say that it’s fine, that you can manage alone.
- I hope he’s caring. The kind that would surprise you with little things: surprise notes in your desk, in your bag. The kind that would take care of you when you’re having your monthly cramps. Someone who would offer hot compress, medicine and even sweets just to ease the pain. The kind of person that really worries when you’re sad, mad or in pain.
- I hope he pays attention. The kind that actively listens until he memorized what you like and don’t like, until he memorized what makes you happy and sad. Someone who would always make you feel excited each day.
- I hope he’s thoughtful. The kind that would buy you your favourite food or flower because he just suddenly remembered you. The kind that would make effort on special days to make you feel extra special. The kind that’s more excited for your birthday than you are. Someone who would make you look forward of all the special occasions and of every day. The kind of person who would surprise you with an umbrella, rain or shine.
- I hope he’s a warm person. Someone who would listen, who’s kind, giving, knows how to respect and who would always try to understand. The kind that would make you smile just by looking at him. The kind of person that would emphasize all the good things about you and would help you whenever you stumble. Someone who would hold your hand, hugs or kiss you just because. No reasons. The kind of person that would hug you when you’re feeling down.
- I hope he’s not a cheater. The kind of man who would stay loyal in the middle of temptation because he knows how much it will hurt you once you found out or even when you won’t ever know.
- I hope he’s protective. The kind that wouldn’t let you go home alone especially at night because he knows that the world isn’t kind. The kind that will walk you home or wherever you will be going just to make sure you’ll arrive safe. Someone who can’t afford to lose you out of heinous incidents.
- I hope he’s patient to wait. I’m a slow poke in many things. The kind of man that you will see waiting for you after your work smiling like a fool. The kind of man who will wait no matter how long it took you to get prepared. The kind of man who will wait for you in every date even when you’re late. He would just make a joke out of it. The kind of man that will court you earnestly and wait until you’re ready to say yes
- I hope he’s a jolly person. Someone who could make me laugh with his simple lines. Someone who loves laughing and making it contagious. The kind of man that would annoy me and I would annoy because why not? It could be a source of bonding.
- I hope he loves my family. The kind of man who would not just try to win me but my parents, siblings and family.
- I hope he’s happy whenever he sees me. The kind of man who’s happy and thankful that I’m part of his life. The kind of man whose stare will make you feel melted. You’re the apple of his eye.
- I hope he knows how to make me feel giddy (kilig). Someone who could make my smile linger.
- I hope he has the drive to reach his dreams. The kind of man that has plans with his life (including me) and who has enough motivation to reach it. I hope he loves growing so I can support him too.
- I hope he knows how to say sorry. The kind of man who’s brave enough to let go of his ego and admit when he did something wrong. I hope he’s sincere. I hope he repents and change, not just apologize. I hope that whenever we fight he’d be kind enough to approach me personally and check if we’re already okay after all the apologies we’ve uttered. I hope he’ll man up to close the issue we’ll have as that’s not my forte. I can only apologize and forgive but to initiate a new conversation after a fight is something I’m weak. I hope he courts me again whenever chaos falls in our relationship. I hope that in every fight he also knows how to lift it up to the Lord in prayer.
- I hope he knows life. The kind of man that can team up with me when it comes to household chores. Someone who knows the value of saving and investing money for financial freedom.
- I hope he knows how to say thank you and I love you.
- I hope he won’t give me up. The kind of man that won’t leave even when the relationship gets tough. You’ll get through it together and be a better couple.
- I hope he’d be my number one fan in all that I do. The kind of man who will stalk you just to know you more. I hope he lets me grow and not hinder me on things that makes me happy.
- I hope he’s brave. The kind of man who’s brave enough to confess not behind the screen of a monitor or cellphone. The kind of man who’s brave enough to man up and declare his real intentions instead of punching in the air making me guess if this is more than friendship or not.
- I hope he’ll marry me. The kind of man who’s not afraid with commitments.
Even if I have written many things here about my hopes and fantasies about the one who is to come, I know not everything will come true. I don’t even know if at least one will be fulfilled because the one will always be an exception.
And while waiting for the one to arrive, I’ll be here nurturing myself to be the right person as well when he finally arrives.
*I edit this from time to time*