The Choice

Eventually people get tired of me.

No matter how much I wanted people to stay, things will get entangled and we would have to choose whether they’ll save the relationship built or they will wait for me to save it when it should be both worlds’ job. 

Eventually, people get tired of me and I think, I also have the right to get tired of the same role I take every time things get chaotic. I don’t want to save anyone anymore or choose anyone. I will choose myself. I have been there— where I would endure pain and swallow my pride to approach people and beg them to stay because they’re important to me. However, I would like it to end here. Why can’t they do the same for me? Why does it always have to be my role? Why is it that when I’m the one being lost, they don’t even give an eye? Why is it okay for them to just lose me? Why doesn’t it hurt them the way it does when I am losing them?

And though it hurts a lot that I won’t fight my space in their lives because it seems like they’re okay without me anyway, I’ll stay here. I will choose myself and my pride. I will wait until the tears dry, until it doesn’t hurt anymore, until I could bring myself not to care anymore and until it feels numb. I will wait either for them to fight for me or wait for the wounds to heal in time.

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